in feast or famine

Spring. Before moving to Japan I thought of spring as a time when the snow melted and tulips bloomed. Easter was coming soon along with Easter baskets and church dresses.

Spring. Since moving to Japan it’s become a time of magical transformation. Those who live in Japan know exactly what magic I’m referring to: cherry blossom season. In Tokyo it doesn’t get that cold, and we don’t have the Northeastern USA’s heaps of snow to melt. But, the transformation within nature is breathtaking nonetheless. The light snow flurries are replaced with cherry blossom petals soaring through the air, willing to fall upon all who wish to dance in its magic. And other petals, well, they fall to the ground, but not to be wasted. Have you seen the ground covered in petals? Have you seen your children do snow angels in the petals? Surely this is the landscape of the heavenly realms.

Last spring our family went to Inokashira Park in Mitaka, Tokyo. It’s within walking distance of our mission’s office so we have frequented the lake there many times. We spent our day with former exchange students and together as family and friends we took part in our first “hanami” (cherry blossom viewing). In Japan, this is a cultural extravaganza. People flock to the trees and enjoy picnics and games to bask in their beauty. (I dare you to find a section of cherry blossoms without someone gazing up at them in awe and wonder). It was one of the most beautiful days I can remember since we moved to Tokyo. The lake was completely surrounded with hundreds of cherry blossoms. I wish you could see it for yourself. It’s heaven.

Everyone is enjoying themselves, we’re all happy and enjoying this beautiful landscape. What a perfect cultural experience. Wonderful time with friends, our children were happy, we were happy. Truly this is the best of Japan.

Isn’t it a joy to serve God in such a beautiful place?
But, what if it wasn’t?

Is it still a joy?

Flash forward to to January of 2018. TEAM asks us to complete a day of Prayer where we seek the Lord’s guidance as we set goals with a vision for the upcoming year. I chose to spend the day at our mission’s center so I could walk to that very same heavenly lake I saw just months before. I couldn’t wait!  Sure, I had sprained my ankle and couldn’t walk, but it wasn’t going to stop me from trying. This was such a beautiful spot to pray. What a remarkable place to seek the Lord to direct our steps as we serve Him in Japan.

Until it wasn’t remarkable. It.was.ugly.

The lake was drained, there was litter at the bottom. Cracks in the sediment. The wildlife that was swimming happily on the lake last April were now living in cesspool like conditions. Lord, where is my beautiful Japan? Sure, I expected barren trees in the middle of winter, but this, THIS? This was a far cry from what I saw last year. How could this be?

I decided in that moment, that I came to this location because it had nostalgic, cultural significance for me thus far in Japan. Surely, it could still have the same significance in the barren times. Perhaps, this was a teachable moment after all. I couldn’t help but shake the fact I needed to see that lake and park in it’s ugliest form.

After all, we’re committed to Japan in any season.

I was supposed to be walking – nay, limping- around the lake with Jesus, receiving this wonderful and deep and glorious spiritual revelation and all I could do was be in shock over my surroundings. I can’t remember exactly how many hours I was there, but I know that I left with a very sore and swollen ankle and a sore ego from the fact I failed miserably at receiving the spiritual message that was going to make for an awesome 2018!
I remember walking away from that “Day of Prayer and Vision” feeling like I had failed to glean the necessary guidance for 2018. Sure, the lesson I learned was incredibly significant to me, but what did it have to do with 2018?

It wasn’t until I was emailing a supporter a month or two later when I realized – maybe the Lord was speaking to me exactly how I needed after all. That lake hadn’t been a distraction from receiving my guidance from Him, it was a huge reminder of how He is guiding me. 

My husband and I started planning to come to Japan before we were dating (and my husband since he was 16). People thought we were crazy for being so determined to come to this country when it seemed like the Lord wasn’t answering in the timing we expected. But, we were in it for the long haul.

With tears in my eyes and my mouth crinkling as I start to make the ugly cry face, I can assure you we are here for the long haul. Lord, thank you for your patience as you gently guide us, in all those times when we don’t feel your presence as obviously as we’d like.

Lord, it’s our promise to you that we’re here for the good, the bad and the ugly. We are completely surrendered to you with our lives here. It would be an honor to die here among these people you’ve brought us to join hands with. Oh Lord, I mean what I’m typing.

We aren’t just here for cherry blossoms and sushi and paper lanterns and the polite kindness of our Japanese friends and neighbors. We are here for the ugly times – the challenges, the bumps, the bruises, when we have money to be here and when we don’t, when we have no idea how you’re going to pull this all together. We are here when we spend a bazillion hours building relationships and maybe they go nowhere. We are committed when we’ve hit language goals and when we fall flat on our faces and when we need to take too many ibuprofen to make the headaches go away.

Lord, here we are. Feast or famine. 

-Kaytlin